2. Talking to people, Questions, First step
Conversations
Talking to people
How do we learn? Learning encompasses various methods, each catering to different preferences and needs. For example, visual learners thrive on imagery, diagrams, and spatial organization. Auditory learners excel with spoken information and lectures. Kinesthetic learners, on the other hand, benefit most from physical activity and hands-on experiences.
However, an often-overlooked avenue of learning is through conversations. One of the best portfolio managers I worked for built his entire research process around this idea: The best knowledge is in people’s heads, and the best learning is often driven by curiosity and inquiry. Some of the most profound learning moments for both myself and my kids have stemmed from their questions and our in-depth discussions. As they grow up, my ability to answer their questions may diminish, but what remains constant is our shared pursuit of curiosity. By engaging with experts in various fields, we continue to explore and learn.
Increasingly valuable in an era where social media often dominates attention, is the ability to connect meaningfully with others. In this context, artificial intelligence doesn't replace human conversations but rather enhances them. Imagine the “pre-work” that could go into learning basics and thinking of next-level questions. The value of direct communication lies in its irreplaceable elements - non-verbal cues, a stronger personal connection, and a more focused environment, free from digital distractions.
One quote (among many) that stood out in How to Know a Person by David Brooks:
Artificial Intelligence is going to do many things for us in the decades ahead, and replace humans at many tasks, but one thing it will never be able to do is to create person-to-person connections. If you want to thrive in the age of AI, you better become exceptionally good at connecting with others.
Art of questions
“If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than five minutes.” - Albert Einstein
Questions have the potential to unlock creativity, drive innovation, and bring about positive change. However, not all questions are created equal. Some questions are more effective at generating insights, stimulating conversations, and prompting action than others.
The Art of Powerful Questions is a great guide on framing questions. Crafting thought-provoking questions involves framing inquiries that not only spark curiosity but also encourage reflective thinking. These questions should challenge underlying assumptions and promote creative exploration while being pertinent and resonating with the recipient. The scope of these questions is crucial: they should be tailored to the specific context, avoiding both overly broad inquiries that lack focus and overly narrow ones that constrain creativity. Additionally, it is important to be mindful of the implicit assumptions that questions can carry. By challenging and examining these assumptions, one can foster diverse viewpoints and encourage the challenging of the status quo.
Preschool children ask their parents ~100 questions a day, and this curiosity helps them learn and grow. Unfortunately, by middle school, students have stopped asking questions as much, and their motivation and engagement plummets. Thinking aloud has been a great way to spur curiosity in our kids… “I wonder why…”, “What do you think would happen if….”
First step
We had friends visiting from Texas recently, and as they were leaving, our 6YO said to their kid, “Next time don’t be so shy at the beginning… we’ll have more time to play!”
Taking the first step is hard:
We don’t start conversations because we’re bad at predicting how much we’ll enjoy them. We underestimate how much others want to talk; we underestimate how much we will learn; we underestimate how quickly other people will want to go deep and get personal. If you give people a little nudge, they will share their life stories with enthusiasm… People are eager, often desperate, to be seen heard, and understood. And yet we have built a culture, and a set of manners, in which that doesn’t happen. The way you fix that is simple, easy, and fun: Ask people to tell you their stories.
Peter Kaufman (Poor Charlie’s Almanack) rarely speaks publicly but shared a vivid example of taking the first step in this lecture (the whole speech is worth revisiting every once in a while) at the California Polytechnic State University in 2018:
So I have an example I use with the class, my elevator example. I’m famous for my elevator story. You’re standing in front of an elevator. The doors open. And inside the elevator is one solitary stranger. You’ve never met this person before in your whole life. You walk into the elevator; you have three choices for how you’re going to behave as you walk into this elevator. Choice number one: you can smile and say good morning. And I say, at least in California, if you do that, 98 percent of the time the person will smile and say good morning back. You can test it. Okay. My guess is you’re going to find that 98 percent of the time, people say good morning. Choice number two: you can walk in and you can scowl and hiss at this stranger in the elevator. And they have no idea why you’re scowling and hissing at them. And I say 98 percent of the time, they may not hiss back at you, but they will scowl back at you. And option number three. This is where the wisdom comes. You can walk into the elevator and you can do nothing. And what do you get 98 percent of the time if you walk into an elevator and you do nothing from that stranger in the elevator? Nothing. It’s mirrored reciprocation, isn’t it? But what did you have to do? You have to go first. And you’re going to get back whatever you put out there.